Why your partner is against investing in sleep coaching
Exhausted, desperate and ready to give up, best explains how I felt when Oliver was 6 months old, “Why are all my friends babies napping for 3 hours a day and only up once or not at all during the night?” A question I used to ask myself daily. Oliver was refusing naps all day and awake every 60-90 minutes through the night.
At this time, I was at breaking point and suggested to my husband we seek professional help as sadly the GP or Health Visitor could not offer any solutions. Guess what my husband said? He categorically said no, we cannot afford this. We did actually have a small amount of joint savings we could use, so I felt angry, resentful, upset and even more helpless. Why was he not hearing me? Why did he not want to make this easier for me (and us)? How can he not see what this is doing to us?
I share my story with you today, as many of my mums face the same objection when trying to approach their partners about investing in sleep coaching. Although not always the case, most of my mums are the stay at home parents whilst their partners are the full time earners. Consequently, most mums are the ones awake with their children through the night as they are the ones battling an overtired child who refuses to nap during the day. So it makes sense that most dads cannot see the value in investing in something that isn’t directly affecting them in the same way. Although, that isn’t to take away the indirect impact child sleep deprivation has on them.
This week, I am sharing with you Josh’s (one of my dad clients) honest account of investing in sleep coaching including how he really felt when his partner approached him about sourcing help. I asked Josh these specific questions for him to be as honest as he could…
What would an average day look like in your household prior to reaching out to a sleep consultant?
I’d get up and go to work at 5:30 and I have to drive an hour to get there. When Morgan wasn’t sleeping I’d drink 4 or 5 cups of coffee before lunch and let’s say I’d give people an ear full if they made stupid mistakes or asked stupid questions instead of laughing about it. My temper got really short!
I never saw my friends ever and put weight on not going to the gym which I love and I ate whatever because we could only eat quick meals and just wanted pizza or bad food. I loved coming home to see Morgan but before I even got home I’d have phone calls from Jose crying or angry and we’d always fight over stupid things every time we spoke pretty much.
When I got home I felt like I had no time to breath after work because she’d hand me Morgan and if I didn’t take him we would fight or be annoyed at each other. At first we slept with Morgan in the cot next to Jose then he came into bed and we held him, something I always thought her sister was silly for doing but when you’re desperate for sleep you’ll do anything!
Then it got so bad for Jose being pregnant that we ended up in different rooms and she’d go to bed at 7/8 and we’d swap at 1/2 when he woke up for a bottle. When we were in the same room we would fight in the night and get stressed out when he wouldn’t go back to sleep!
When your partner said she wanted to receive professional help for your family’s sleep challenges what were you reservations?
At first Jose said about it and I laughed and thought she was being stupid and wasting money! Why couldn’t we do it ourselves, people do it with twins and all my family did it without anyone else’s help. I thought it was a load of rubbish (but I don’t anymore!)
What were your results of working with a sleep consultant?
We used to dream saying imagine if he slept 7-7 and now he pretty much does! It’s like he’s our dream baby now and we actually have a great time all of us. Although a lot of Morgan’s issues were his allergy and reflux, we had lots of advise and help from you about it and it made me realise Jose wasn’t being a paranoid mum! I thought she was making a problem up as an excuse at first. (She’ll kill me for saying that!)
Now he goes down great, no fuss and he’s asleep all night, and he’s so happy so it makes a big difference for us!
How would you describe the difference in family life since working with a professional sleep consultant?
We basically have what I’d say is the perfect family now, and with our other one on the way we have lots to help with her too and we know so much more now. I don’t hate phone calls from Jose in the day and I am back in the gym or working on our house and I know I won’t get backlash for it. We don’t eat bad and it makes me feel much better to have lost weight and I’m not worried about making mistakes at work or falling asleep at the wheel!
Would would you say to other dads who are unsure about reaching out to a sleep expert?
Listen to your Misses! If you think she’s being stupid and making up stuff don’t just ignore her! It’s a two person job being parents and I hate to see other Dads not doing their bit, they need to help and be there to help each other so you don’t end up hating each other. And yeah I didn’t really know about it before but I feel like I know so much more now for the next one.
Josie and Josh are a true example of, anything hard in life is worth having. Okay this maybe a sweeping generalisation on my part, but when it comes to investing time, energy and money into making this transformation in your family life, the blood, sweat and tears are really worth it. I couldn’t be more proud and happy for them.
I hate to say I told you so to my husband BUT…. In the end at 10 months, my husband agreed to getting the help we needed and we haven’t looked back since. By the time Oliver was just 11 months old, he was a different baby, sleeping through the night, napping for 3 hours a day and life for us as a family went from being a dark struggle to happier, healthier and we just felt like us again.
If you are currently in a similar place to Josie and me, this month I have decided to open up 1 to 1 calls with me totally free of charge. I would love to hear what is your biggest challenge right now? What do you need from me in order to make the transition from feeling exhausted to a healthier and happier you? To grab yourself a FREE call, book here and add coupon FREEJULY at the checkout.